Natasha and Tony fun time
by MadQuinn13
Summary: Natasha and Tony end up on a mission together. After math annoyance must come. Pepperony and Black Hill
1. DAMN IT STARK

Fury was a fucking idiot. He heard one of the drug lords in South Africa was at a weak point. He didn't want to send Agent Romanoff in alone but he didn't have any agents he could spare.

Luckily Stark was in the area and agreed to come in and see what he could do.

"So it's an assassination?"

"Basically yes Stark." Fury nodded.

"Alright I'm in."

"No." Natasha did not want to work with him on this mission. "He's not trained. He could get us both killed."

"I'll have you know I have played and beat all the Assassin's Creed games. I know the code. 1. Stay your blade from the flesh of an innocent. 2. Hide in plain sight. 3. Never compromise the Brotherhood. We'll be fine."

"I am not putting my life in his hands."

"You're not going alone." Fury didn't know what kind of mess she could walk in to and he would rather she walked in with some back up.

"So when do we leave?" Tony asked looking around the table.

…

The mission was going fine until Stark fucked up and started yelling. Yes he was on fire, and he was yelling that he was on fire but he blew their covered and his giant metal ass fell on Natasha. It wouldn't have been a problem if the bone in her leg had decided to stay in her skin. Then Tony started screaming about how gross it was seeing human bone. If Natasha had reported that the mission was botched and Maria sent the whole back up squad to bring them both back. Natasha was fading in and out of unconscious from the pain but remembered seeing Maria smack Tony in the back of head before going back to fuss over her.

"Why did you hit me?" Tony was getting rather upset that no one cared that he was on fire or that he was traumatized by seeing Natasha's leg like that, it was beyond gross.

"You broke her leg." Maria answered pointing to Natasha who was currently lying on a bench of jet.

"I was on fire, I didn't mean to fall out a window and land on her."

"I WASN'T FALLING UNTIL YOU DRAGED ME WITH YOU!" Natasha yelled back.

"You have head trauma you don't remember what happened." Tony was quick to cover his ass. "Will someone cover her leg it's gross."

"If I could move I'd hit you." Natasha didn't understand how Pepper could put up with him.

"But you can't." Tony pointed out.

"I still can." Maria offered.

"Stay out of it Agent."

Maria was currently at the medical kit filling up a needle. "What is that Maria?"

"I think it's the stuff that kills people." Tony answered not being helpful at all.

"It's just a light sedative to take the edge off the pain." Maria had to pass Tony to get to Natasha and skillfully injected him in the neck with it. "That does take the edge off the pain in our ass." Maria went back to the medical kit. "Now do you want to be awake for the whole flight back and be in agony or do you want to be in blissful sleep?"

Natasha loved how Maria always remember her issue with needles and not knowing what was in them. "Any way I could be painless but still get to be with you?"

"'Fraid not. But I promise to stay by your side the entire time. You've already seen me take out five nurses and two doctors who tried to make me leave your bed side when your lung collapsed. You know I will stay by your bed until you want me to leave." Natasha could remember that day. The one time Clint missed he punctured one of her lungs.

"Sleep then. I think I'm just going to pass out anyways." Natasha held out her arm and closed her eyes.

"Don't be a baby." Maria injected the liquid into her girlfriend's arm and watched her eyes slowly close.


	2. Don't Trust The Doctors

Tony felt guilty. He did, but he also was impressed with himself, after all he too out one of the most deadly assassins and didn't have a scratch to show for it. Well he had some bruises and bumps but that was mostly from Maria, not Natasha. The red headed assassin wasn't a threat to him as long as he stayed out of her reach and made sure she didn't have anything she could throw at him.

Natasha had a dislike of hospitals and a distrust of doctors. She didn't want them injecting things into her and she would rather they didn't touch her at all but thanks to Stark she didn't have a choice anymore. Yes Maria followed the doctors around making sure that whatever they were giving Natasha wasn't tampered with and even administered them herself, it was the only way Natasha would allow herself to be drugged. She only trusted Maria.

Phil and Clint came as soon as their own mission was done. They brought goodies for Natasha and Clint broke Tony's nose. They always look out for Natasha.

"How the hell did you do that Stark?" Clint asked harshly taking a seat next to the bed staring at the bulky white cast that covered all of Natasha's left leg.

"It's a blur." That wasn't a lie. It happened so fast that Tony wasn't sure how he ended up falling or taking Natasha with him.

"You fell out a window and took me with you." Natasha hissed out.

"You have head trauma you don't remember." He didn't want to be blamed for all this.

"I don't have head trauma." Natasha had the CAT scan to prove it. Even if it took Maria punching a doctor in the face to allow her to hold Natasha's hand during the scan.

"Stark get out of her before I toss you out the window." Maria was looking for an excuse to kick the windbag out of the hospital room and he had just given her one.

"Fine, I'll leave. Natasha I am sorry about what happened to you. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. It was fun being your partner. I hope when you're all better we can do it again sometime." Tony left the room looking like a little lost puppy.

"That is never going happen Stark!" Maria called after him, she wasn't going to ever forgive him.

"How's the pain?" Phil asked sitting at the corner of the bed having the chairs taken up by Maria and Clint.

"Not too bad. They gave me amazing meds for it." Natasha gave him a lazy smile.

"When are you allowed out?"

"I should be allowed out now." Natasha pouted looking over at Maria.

"They said a few more days." Maria reminded her. "They need to make sure you don't have some weird reaction to the medication or something else like that. You can wait a few more days before you hobble around our apartment."

"Don't worry Nat, we'll make sure you don't go all cabin fever on everyone." Clint was already planning on spending his free time at their apartment.

"That's good." Natasha sighed. "Fucking Stark."

…

Natasha was suppose to be released today. She was already ready to throw herself out of a window so she wouldn't need to deal with this crap anymore.

"We have a few things we need to go through first." The doctor started to list off. "When you are just going to small places around your place use the crutches but if you start to feel tired and over whelmed use the wheelchair. Do not over do it. When the cast comes off we can start talking about PT and how long you should be on the leg. For now just the basics. When you are sitting or lying down keep it elevated. Any questions?"

"Yeah…sex….that is allowed right?" Natasha was going to do it anyways but this way Maria might not feel guilty.

"If you find a way that is not uncomfortable for your leg I see nothing wrong with it." The doctor got the answer right judging by the relived expression on the assistant director's face.

"Great. Sign off on the dotted line so I can get out of here." Natasha was already in the wheelchair and was ready to leave.

"You need to take it easy."

"I know. I will. Trust me Maria is going to make sure I am."

"I will."

The doctor had a feeling that the second Natasha left hospital grounds she was going to attempt to cut off her cast (again) and didn't think it was a good idea for her to leave, but at the same time he didn't think it was fair to subject his staff to the abuse those two dealt out.

"If something goes wrong. Please go to a different hospital." He signed the papers and told her she was free to go.

…

"Nat what are you doing? You can't wait two seconds for me to help you?" Maria knew that this experience was going to make her prematurely grey she could feel the hair changing.

"I don't need any help." Natasha argued as she made her way from the living room to the bathroom.

"Fine but you break the other leg don't come to me for help."

"You just want to carry me…"

"It would've been romantic and funny!" Maria just wanted to carry Natasha through a threshold was that too much to ask.

"No because you would've accidently banged my leg off something and it would just be painful."

"Oh please I'm not Stark."

…

"My leg is itchy…"

"How far down?"

"All of it. It's all itchy."

"Try not to think about it."

"It's really itchy now…"

"Nat there is nothing I can do."

"Can you get me a knife?"

"We don't own a knife long enough to scratch all of your foot."

"Can you get me a sword?"

"No."

"Fine a knife to cut off the cast then will do."

"No Tasha just try to keep your mind off it."

"It's not working."

"There is nothing I can do Tasha you know I would if I could but I can't." Maria wished she could do something but she couldn't.

"You can cut the cast off."

"And I will the second it is safe for it to come off. The bone was through the skin Natasha, you're lucky no bone marrow seemed into your bloodstream." Maria was terrified of that happening, it was always hard to tell if it happened until it was too late.

"You worry over me too much." Natasha leaned into Maria wrapping her arms around Maria's arms around her.

"It's not too much. It's barely enough with you."

"You're worse than Phil."

"I am not worse than Phil. He is twice as bad as I am. I don't start freaking out about what kind of funeral you would want if you don't answer your phone on the first ring."

"No you do it after I don't pick up on the third."

"See he's twice as bad."

…

Natasha was use to lying on the couch, she usually had Maria as her back rest or foot rest but Fury needed Maria back to work so Clint was going to come and make sure she was okay.

But tonight he was leaving on a mission and Phil was going with him so she was going to be all alone. Maria didn't think she could be left alone.

"Nat! Natty Nat. Open up." Clint started banging on the apartment door trying to get in. Natasha rolled her eyes and grabbed the crutches. Clint had a key the asshole didn't need her to get up and hobble over to the door but he was making her.

She opened the door and backed away for Clint to come in. The archer had his arms full of dvd cases.

"Hey sweetie. I got every single episode of SpongeBob. We're ready to do absolutely nothing." Clink grinned going to lay the dvds on the coffee table. "Hurry up you're really slowly for some reason."

"Really? I'm not moving fast enough for you on my crutches?"

…

Clint had left a half hour ago and Natasha was lying in bed waiting for Maria to be done being Fury's bitch.

She had just taken one of her amazing pain killers and was watching cartoon network. She started to drift off to sleep when something started banging on the front door.

"Fuck off. No. I want Maria. You're not Maria! She has a key!" She grabbed the pillow from Maria's side using it to drown out the side of the door.

"Natasha let me in! I'm here to take care of you!" Tony screamed through the door. "Okay you probably fell and can't get up. Don't worry. I'll call up life alert and get them to set things up in the morning and I'll go get the building supervisor to let me in!"

"Stark? Oh fuck no. I'm calling Maria." Natasha started looking for the phone. She really hoped the building manager wouldn't let some strange man into their apartment. She didn't want to be stuck with him until god knows when.

"Good news Natasha I found a spare key! Also Fury wanted me to tell you that Maria is like in some third world country with no cell service but she'll call as soon as she can." Tony sounded closer to the bedroom now. Natasha was reaching for the gun taped under the bed. She wasn't going to kill him, just send him to the hospital so he wouldn't be with her.

"I would rather have Hitler with me over you Stark."

"That's only because you want credit for killing him."

"Who says I didn't kill him?" She cocked the gun and pointed it at the door. If she shot him in any part of his body that was not a fatal wound that was warning shot, the next one would be fatal.

"Everyone? He committed suicide."

"That's what I wanted them to think, it would draw too much attention to me otherwise." She took aim and fired off a shot.

"What the hell is wrong with you! You shoot someone who is trying to help you? I was going to make sure there was a sexy nurse! But no you shot me! What the hell!" Tony was holding his bleeding arm when he opened the door.

"That was your warning shot." She raised the gun again.

"Wait! Don't shoot me! I still hold the promise of sexy nurses who give sexy sponge baths to people who can't get their cast wet." Tony didn't want to get killed this way. He wanted to be found dead of alcohol posing in bed after sex.

"I don't need that. I have Maria for that."

"Well where is Maria then?" Tony asked. "Come on, we need to go to the hospital so I can get this bullet taken out of me."

"You don't need a doctor. Go get the medical kit from the bathroom."

"When you get shot you go to the doctor."

"No you get the medical kit and go to the bathroom to deal with it. There's a box under the sink where we keep the shrapnel."

"I am not, repeat not getting some medical help in a bathroom."

"Fine bring it in here. I've done it tons of time, and that was just on me, call up Clint or Phil or even Fury. They'll tell you how much of a baby you are for wanting a 'real doctor'"

Tony rolled his eyes but was close enough to the bed that he had a few seconds to put his thoughts to action and pulled Natasha off the bed by her good foot (the cast thumping hard and he assumed painfully against the floor). "I am going to the hospital while you try and get back up on your abnormally high bed. Honestly who wants a bed like five feet off the ground?" He took the gun from it's resting spot on the mattress. "I'm taking this with me so you won't kill me the second I turn around."

"Yeah, there are guns hidden all over this place. Actually we have a lot of other weapons too...don't reach your hand in the cookie jar." Natasha warned him and Tony being the sick fuck he was wanted to trick Bruce into putting his hand into that cookie jar.


End file.
